Rememories

So, I've started Chapter One in my book. I have lots of journal entries from the first year of my cancer, so I was going thru them to see if any were of the time period I am currently writing in. Unfortunately, they are all later, after diagnosis and I'm not there yet book-time.

However, I did enjoy going back thru and remembering what I'd written. Some I had completely forgotten. This just supports our need to journal. Seriously, wouldn't you love to go back to a certain time in your life and remember something good amongst the bad? Or maybe journaling your experience now would let you go back and see it in a different light...as a person not as close to the situation. Maybe you could see the miracle in what happened, or experience the good that comes out of the bad, or finally understand why that friendship had to end, or realize you're a pretty funny/loving/smart/insert-word-here person after all! Not only can these journals take YOU back to a world you may have forgotten, but it will also help your friends and loved ones understand where you were during that difficult time...It will help them realize who you are, because as you write, you aren't writing to an audience, but it can end up being for an audience if you let it.

For example, I remember being in the hospital for a month and my old dog, Makko, had to be put to sleep. His urn is on the entertainment center and we talk to him often. We still find his hair here and there, 3 1/2 years later. He will never be forgotten. However, I didn't remember this journal entry:

• Thursday, February 19, 2009 10:01 AM, EST Some of you may know that while I was in the hospital, Eric had to have my beautiful dog, Makko put to sleep. He was 17 years old and had a brain tumor. They said he'd be fine until the seizures got longer or closer together. We discovered this in November. One day while I was in the hospital still, Makko had 3 seizures within 12 hours...and he went downhill fast. It broke my heart that I couldn't be there for him as he passed over.

Last night, Makko came to me while I slept and said Good-bye to me. I remember telling myself this was a dream, but hold on to it as long as you possibly can!! It started out I had walked into the bedroom for something, and I heard his little growls like he used to do when he wanted attention. I found him laying on the bed...just like he used to when he was younger. The white hair was gone and it was as if he were 7 years old again! Beautiful black hair and a smile. I laid down next him and cuddled and talked to him...told him I missed him. He rolled over on his back. I rubbed his tummy and covered him with my love. I called him my Sweetie Boy and told him I would love him forever and NEVER forget him.

I must have made some odd noises in my sleep. Kita woke me with her scared whine and a nose poke. So, I cuddled with her a little as the tears flowed. Sorry, Eric, I woke you up, too...so I got to cuddle all three of my lovely family for one last time...now I move on with two...Eric and Kita. In the near future we will start looking for another dog/puppy to join us, so Kita will have another friend to play with.

We did get a new friend for Kita. Flex was rescued and we gave him a forever home in October 2009. He's the perfect fit.

Start a journal. Handwritten, in Word or on-line, it doesn't matter. Just keep it regularly and be honest and talk about things that matter to you today. You never know when you'll need that extra push to keep you going in your tomorrow.